its warm!!!!

Because I am sitting here at my parents house so I can borrow the car tomorrow to get the demons vaccinated and have nothing do to currently (not true but I never get work done here) I am going to take a page from my friend's blog and do a describe myself post. I am putting a few constraints on it just because. They will be one word descriptions and they cannot be negative (ie bad at drawing). I'm going to shoot for 25 because it sounds like a good number. Here goes.
1 loyal
2 lover (of so many things)
3 a submissive (ok i realize thats 2 words but saying just submissive wasn't working)
4 hippy
5 vegetarian
6 pagan
7 masochist
8 Older sister (that counts as one word too)
9 adult
10 Child
11 student
12 teacher
13 shy (but getting better)
14 quiet (when I'm not around my friends)
15 book worm
16 friend
17 dreamer
18 scared (its not negative, and its a very big part of me right now)
19 loved
20 Cancer (I have said that in the negative before but today it just describes me)
21 gardener
22 beautiful (so they tell me anyways, today I feel good so I feel beautiful)
23 earth mother (even if I don't want offspring)
24 environmentalist
25 Co-oper

Hey that wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be. It got a little tough around the end there but, I really enjoyed that. I think I will do it again someday.

*taps on watch* where did my time go?

So yeah....I've been distracted lately. Was sick last week (and am still getting better). I actually started that experiment...but then I got sick and didn't feel like puting the arnica stuff on. Instead, I slept alot and stared glassy eyed at my computer screen watching movies. When I told my boy we will have to try the experiment again I got a look that said "yeah uh huh....riiiight. Just say bite me and don't use experiment as the excuse". The week before that, well....that was just a bad week and I had mostly lost interest in my own life for a bit. We are trying to not be apathetic, its hard sometimes. So far this week I am feeling pretty good, we shall see how things go. I probably won't post as much as before because I am so very super amazing busy. Oh yeah, and my boy told me I should make posts about my sexlife....(don't worry I won't) but it was a really funny conversation cause we were imagining actual posts and what I would discuss.

A little herbal lore and some TMI

Arnica: good for sprains strains and bruises
You don't really want to be injesting this stuff but it is great for external use. I've been using this arnica salve I bought on some bruises I've aquired through purely consentual ways. My boy and I tend to enjoy a rough tumble in the sac now and (more often than) then and I tend to come out a bit marked up. Sometimes these marks are more obvious (huge purple things on the sides of my neck)then others. I've used the arnica salve on a few just to experiment and they seem to clear up alot quicker. I'm thinking about doing an experiment with 2 bruises where one gets the salve and the other doesn't just to see if it actually works as well as I think it does. The way its supposed to work is that arnica causes the bitty capillaries in the skin to dilate where it has been applied. This allows more blood into the area to carry off the escaped blood in cases of bruising, or more blood into an ouchy area to help it heal faster. It sounds to me like it would work better on bruising then sprains and strains but I haven't tried it yet.....maybe i should try it on my tweaky muscle in my neck to see how it works. I have a tweaky muscle when I move my head in certain ways (depending on my stress level) it tweaks causing a sharp pain to go up my neck and usually makes me make a vocal noise of pain. Nothing is more embarassing then sitting down at a fairly quiet table and as you sit your neck tweaks and you gasp out in pain and they all look up at you.
I'll let you know how the experiment goes.

still working on that new schedule

well, last week was hell and I'm still feeling the ripples off it. Still waiting to see about that positive earth shattering change the cards talked about. I don't exactly know where I stand with a very good friend of mine and I still pretty much want to curl up in bed and not move until things are back to how they should be. Of course, with this change the cards speak of that may never happen, which really is too terrifying a thought to entertain at this point in time because I cannot imagine what this positive change could be and thinking about it only makes the nervousness worse.
I've set up a meeting with the career center lady to help me find a job after school. depending on how intricate and full of stuff to do that process ends up being I might talk about that....not that it will help stave off the panic (the whole reason this blog was created) so maybe not a good idea. I don't have a cooking shift this semester. I'll probably bring back the cooking talk when I get out of here and have a place of my own where I have to cook food because that was alot of fun and I have a million recipes I want to try. If I do the tarot stuff which I'm thinking I will, it will need to be sunday night. We shall see....when I'm not submerged up to my knees in homework. I'm also thinking of buckling down and working on meditation stuff to help ease the nervousness spoken about above, the theory being if I write about it here, I'll actually do it.
On a different note entirely arnica (its an herb) is pretty sweet stuff. I'll talk more on that tomorrow.

Tarot cards, The divine instrument to deliver cosmic 2x4s

To the back of my head.....repeatedly or just one really hard brain jolting, ear ringing, lets not leave our room today for fear of more reprocussions blow to the head.

And now a letter to the universe

Dear Mom and Dad
I know you don't control people's actions.....but really now? Do I need to deal with this shit right now? Couldn't there have been a less stressful time for people to pull stupid shit on me? Some time when people's well meaning "help" won't make me burst into tears cause I'm so stressed and their still well meaning but even less helpful attempts at making me do what they think I should making things worse for me and certain people I care the world about....is this REALLY necessary?
Love always
you're super confused and really unhappy daughter

We

As I was watching the inauguration today this quote from my favorite science fiction show, Babylon 5, floated up from the depths of my brain. It used to be a favorite quote of mine, I'd always loved the idea of creation that it conjured. It was a place of beauty and peace. I hadn't thought about that quote for a long, long time. In the show the captain of the space station is talking to a technomage, a person who does magic with technology. The quote goes like this:

Elric(technomage),"We are dreamers, shapers, singers, and makers. We study the mysteries of laser and circuit, crystal and scanner, holographic demons and invocations of equations. These are the tools we employ and we know many things."
Sheridan,(captain) " Such as."
Elric, "The true secrets, the important things, 14 words to make someone fall in love with you forever. 7 words to make them go without pain or say good-bye to a friend who is dying. How to be poor. How to be rich. How to rediscover dreams when the world has stolen them."

We are dreamers, shapers, singers, and makers......it calls to mind the way Tolkien opened up the Silmarillion with a creation story of the Gods singing the world into being. Each and every person can sing their own world into being. We aren't Gods but we have been given the gift of creation and truely the only thing that can limit us is our own creativity. And if many put thier minds to something it can happen, look what we acomplished. We elected the first Black president. Look what we have acomplished. Dreamers, shapers, singers and makers.....THAT is what is inside each of us. We only have to choose, lets hope we choose correctly.

Happy MLK day

You should watch this its a great song, I don't really like the images that go with the song but its the best quality I could find.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jl_QUZBUyLE&feature=related

Yeah, I'm hopped up on extra strength excedrin because I had a badass headache and can't sit still long enough to focus to write anything of merit. Small body + 2 extra strength excedrin = Caffeine high