The Story of Bottled Water

The Story of Bottled Water

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That movie is awesome. ok it took me some time to write this I saw it a couple moths ago when it first came out. It made every inch of my pagan social justice-y heart very happy. For once the indigenous population wins!!!!! And Mama pandora (the planet) got mad and kicked ass. It was great, it makes me a happy happy pagan.

2009 at its end

This year has for the most part sucked. It has been a year of transition and therefore by my very definition must suck. I hate change, but cannot sit in one place and I know this. But that doesn't mean I have to like it.

This year I have dealt on numerous occasions with depression each one seemed worse then the last, starting when I was in school and the last ending only last month(honestly, I probably wouldn't have any friends at all if my fiance didn't more or less instruct me to go hang out when invited to do so because at the time I just couldn't care.....about anything), I have graduated from school, watched all my plans fall into ruins and still feel lost. I haven't posted anything because there was nothing new to post except for a worsening feeling of wandering in the black woods.

I see children and find myself wishing they would never grow up. And that sounds terrible! And it's not that I want them to die as children, Gods know thats not what I mean. But I miss being a child. I wish I wasn't an adult, with every ounce of my being. I certainly don't feel like an adult. I wish for every child I see that they stay happy and care free and all that awesome stuff that kids have and feel that gets stolen from us secretly and quietly as the world makes us grow up. But apparently while I wasn't looking and was having fun playing at grown up, the world stole away my kiddie-hood and I actually am a grown up. All I can say is what the fuck?!!

I'm engaged to a wonderful man, I've graduated college and am paying most of my bills all by myself (thanks mom and dad) and as lost and terrified as I feel most of the time I have hope. I have wonderful people around me who as much as I try and keep hidden my thoughts, fears, frustrations, and tears know me well enough to be patient with me and know me well enough to kick me in the butt when I need it....even while I'm kicking and screaming that I don't need it. Bear with me my Darlings I've never shown my feelings to people easily. I know I'm easy to read but it has never been easy to share what everyone sees in my face.

With Hope I watch for the New Year
Brightest Blessings and a Wonderful Next Year for you all

childhood favorites

Every vegetarian has those foods that as a child mom didn't have to worry they wouldn't eat. Usually it has meat in it. And as a vegetarian you slave over ideas of how to make those beloved foods into something that you can again eat and enjoy and love all over again. One of those foods for me was Ham and corn quiche. Mom used to make this all the time and I loved it and would eat it all up and clean my plate of every crumb of filling and crust. Why I love it I really don't know because I am very picky about my eggs and have yet to find another quiche that I can eat without gagging because of the rediculously egg-y taste. I love eggs as long as I can't taste that grossy egg-y texture/taste thing. I will eat the fuck out of an omlete and scrambled eggs and poached eggs but if they are in a food and that food tastes egg-y I'm gonna gag and its not going to be pretty. Honestly, I think it has something to do with the amount of corn in it (the reason I like the quiche). Cause I love corn (I'm begining to realize this). Instead of putting real ham I just used fake ham. I am not usually one to use the fake meats unless it is absolutely necessary but I was pawing through my mom's recipe books (there are a million of them I swear) and we were talking about how to divide up her current official cookbook because its bursting at the seams and she has to rubberband it closed and she made a comment about that recipe and how she could take it out cause we never eat it anymore and I went holy crap! I want to vegetize it!!! It was soooo good!

I must admit I was rather pleased with the way it came out. It had an interesting sweet taste around the "ham" and cheese at the bottom but I really don't remember what it tasted like originally so I cannot really compare. It was so simple to make that I will probably make it again at some point though I doubt anyone aside from me and my mom (who is open to new culinary experiences) will eat it. I can understand why mom made it so often when I was a baby.

Now all I have to do is figure out how to vegetize mom's chicken a la king recipe. Currently I just eat it without the chicken so its basically veggies in a cream sauce....still good but lacking a certain something (yeah chicken I know)

Things to be excited about super dork edition

Things have been a little hectic around here. I'm working 2 jobs and on the weekends they come right next to eachother with enough time to shower and let my hair air dry. I'm thinking about investing in a hair dryer. I stopped using one after I decided that it was too damaging to my hair, but then again my hair is just crazy and coarse anyways so it may be time to rethink. Good news: I'm actually making money and not just staying afloat. Now that I'm not worried about every dollar I spend and focused on just finding another job so I'm not bleeding my account dry I can focus on the all important task of finding an actual job. I have until the end of the year to find a job with health benefits (cause I need them) so still a bit of a deadline but hey we always work better with deadlines right? At least I do. However I have this problem with the weather. There are so many who say they feel energized by fall. Yes, its very pretty but fuck man its cold. Me on the other hand, when it gets cold I move slowly. The colder it is the slower I tend to move which is why it takes me a full hour more to finish one job which will in the end be a hugeass problem when I need to get to my other job. Oh the frustration this will cause. But really I do love this season. This season is Halloween to me and I am super excited about halloween this year because I have time to carve pumpkins! And I plan to carpet my fiancee's porch in carved pumpkins and take all the seeds and cook them. I have a few recipes I want to try with them but mostly I have no idea what to do with that many damn pumpkin seeds. But I am a stubborn sort and WILL cook them and eat them (and maybe force some on my poor friends and family). Any recipe/ways to cook them you like and think I might like? I'm also intending on making pumpkin pie with the bits of pumkin I cut out of the pumpkins while carving. Which honestly doesn't make alot of sense to me because I'm not really a big fan of pumpkin flavored foods but I have a need to not waste anything, if I can help it. I'm also looking foreward to Thanksgiving, which confuses me a little. I find the more I grow up, the more I look foreward to family oriented things (aka subjecting ones self to people that drive you flipping crazy and you need to take a vacation afterwards just to relax from your vacation with them, or if you're me, get your loving Master to beat the tar out of you......go figure) But this time 2 years ago I got the awesomest recipe ever and everyone who has tried it really likes it. I was really happy last....no....2 thanksgivings ago when i made it and I had veggie food that everyone was willing to eat that wasn't stuffing and potatoes and pumpkin pie. I'm planning on making it a normal staple in the Thanksgiving feast of my family.....and maybe my fiancee's too if I go over there for thanksgiving again this year. I am continually amazed that I am growing up and yet still very much a child in adults clothes.

A rant on social stupidity

Its interesting when you think about the person you are and think back on how you became that person. The way I see myself, I didn't become anything until high school. I was pretty much a quiet little social drone. Then I became an angry punk, a rebel and Davey Havok was pretty much my role model. An intellectual, intelligent musician who spoke on what he believed. There were a myriad of other punk bands that were politically outspoken that I adored partly because of their anger and partly because I agreed with what they were saying. Then I went to college and joined the veggie co-op and moved from angry punk/rebel to being pretty much a hippie kinda feminist, still a rebel but less angry. This time is where I really came to feel the religion I had chosen for myself. And now I've graduated from college. I'm not sure I'm really a rebel anymore. I love peace, harmony, veggies, animals, and lots of other things but I find myself worried less about the needing to change the world. I want this world to be a better place once I've left it, and that will never change but I find myself worried more about making my own life. I'm engaged, half living in my fiancee's shitty apt that will never ever ever be clean and half at my parents house where I am still treated like a child. I find myself rebeling in small ways (I thought I was out of that phase of my life) like keeping my parents out of the loop on my health (except when everyone tells me 'you need to tell your parents about this'). I'm still very much a feminist in the sense that I refuse to wear slutty clothes to work just so drunk males in thier 30s and 40s can look at my tits and ass and tip me better cause its all out there for them to see. NO. They will tip me because I am good at my job. I bring them their drinks quickly and smile and check and see if they need more often. I was talking to a friend of mine about this local band that has this chick singer who wears pretty much nothing. And that annoys me because they do well and we all know they do well because shes up there singing with almost no clothes on. And I can't stand that society perpetuates this. And I can't stand that females allow it to be perpetuated. I understand sex = attention and attention = YAY. But really now. This next thing I say will sound terrible and I hope no one takes offense. It seems to me that only the "ugly" girls feel this way. By ugly I mean the quiet ones, the bookish ones, the fat ones, the unsporty klutzy ones. And you have to be stupid to be pretty. I am one of the "ugly" girls who recognizes she is attractive but who chooses not to wear "cute clothes" because I do not want to be seen for my body (and it is too much of a damn waste of my time to try and make myself up cute). I have had men blatantly stare at my chest and ass while at work and could do little aside from walk away (while wanting to hit him repeatedly in the face with my tray) while wearing my "bar clothes" and the more I work there the more I just don't want to even try to look cute but its part of the ambiance of the place. Big dudes at the door cute skinny chicks at the bar and running around to get your drinks. I have become a decoration?!!!!! And my only reason for all of this degradation....I can pay for my car, I needed another job. And I find myself disgusted with myself.....I really feel like I have gone the completely wrong way and demolished my own moral code of conduct. OK slightly dramatic right there but I've really pissed myself off with this rant which really wasn't the intent of the post but I followed my thought process to its conclusion. The intent was to plug this video of a singer I really like doing a spoken word poem that made me think about my own origins. Here it is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaEXJ0PltZM

Bad Pagan yet again

So I just realized it is the equinox.....oops. I realize this as I am sipping the world's best cider (in my opinion at least). Well, I was planning to take a walk today anyways. Anyways Happy Equinox, do something nature-y today.