This isn't that hard

I am reading this article the title being Cruel Irony: Do Renewable Power Plants threaten Thier Surrounding Environment. And the answer: Yes. Because you have to take lots and lots of land to make these wind farms and solar farms and such. Now I have no help for the wind farms they are of debatable good in my opinion me. But it seems to me that there would be little difficulty in putting solar panels on top of all the buildings in a city and maybe all the houses. Of course, this would need some study to see if it didn't blind birds or something with reflection (is there reflection? I'll do research on that at some point). I don't see the necessity of using acres and acres of land if we can just put them on top of buildings. Just cover the fuck out of all the building and house tops and well all be just fine. I feel like they keep doing things the hard way.....is it just me?

Here's that article http://www.sciam.com/blog/60-second-science/post.cfm?id=cruel-irony-do-renewable-power-plan-2009-03-25&sc=CAT_ENRG_20090326

P.S. No heart defects!!!

This is me, reaching back out to the universe

*peeks out of the shell*
Well, there is about a week until the stressful things go away and I give my Senior Seminar presentation and turn in my paper soon after so...things are looking almost like they could get better. Though in all honesty, I'm not sure they will just yet. I've been having health problems galore (all non-life threatening but impressive all the same) my new Doctor is concerned my heart doesn't beat properly so I get to go get a heart ultrasound today and frankly I'm scared. Scared up one side and down the other and ready to cry (not that by now I'm not used to that feeling, me and being on the verge of tears have been best friends for a couple months now).
I read this thing by Susun Weed a few moments ago saying how skin ailments have an emotional component *glares at hands* basically stress = ecxima. Stress....check. excima....check (yeah, again). I'm hoping the boy is right and all this health stupidity will right itself once I'm less stressed out. Now all I have to do is find me something that pays the bills and feeds my cats.

Ok universe, here I am.....please don't do your worst. I am going to work at getting back to daily postings since the cats wake me up really early and I have time to post before class.

Feeling really good, for just this week

Ok, I am on spring break currently so things have been pretty nice. Spent lots of time with the boy, friends from high school (still recovering from that one), did some work in the job hunting, went to see an art museum exhibit on kimonos which was goddamn amazing. Currently life is good. I am thinking about attempting to take up martial arts....again...ish. I talked to my boy's instructor and he assured me we could work around the knee issues easily. His instructor is awesome and made me feel very welcome when i sat in and watched a class, now I just have to get the guts up to join in. The boy keeps saying it will be a good place for me to battle some of my shy issues and he would really like to see me go for it since I want to do it but am a total pansy (I tried to chicken out on going and participating, then I shafted myself out of a car and couldn't go to class anyways) I have no fear of pain, just lots of people I don't know. I decided I want to do this because I need something my brain must focus on as a way to give my brain a break from all the oher things it focuses on, on a daily basis, because I've become rather pathetic and will cry at the least upsetting thing. But I will say it is amazing how just thanking the Gods for the good things you had during the day does definitely help (when I remember to do it). So I leave you with song lyrics from a song I rediscovered amongst my musical collection and my comentary on it. It pretty much sums up my beliefs on life right now.

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument (don't want to go to bed grumpy)
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands (yeah, kinda)
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you (so true)
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do (some do better then others)
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self-esteem (damn straight they do)
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone (you have to love yourself)
I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned (what goes around comes around)
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned(I imagine its true)
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side (mmmhmm)
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye (so very true)

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality (yup)
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy (I've come to realize the truth of this statement very much, so much less drama when everyone is honest)
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul (I don't give one damn about the skin coverings of a person)
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold (doesnt have to be blood related)
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair (fuck yes it is)
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires (oh yeah)

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness (eh, yes and no)
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed (but the being undressed part is so much fun)
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists (They sure as hell don't)
I believe in love surviving death into eternity (its a nice idea if nothing else)

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

time to turn out the lights for awhile

Due to an over abundance of school work I have lost most interest in my own life. I am pretty much too tired to care at this point and so will not even pretend that keeping up this blog is anywhere near my priority list at the moment. Right now my priority list is being a bookmark for a book I'm using for a research project so its always near me. So for the moment I am taking an extended hiatus from writing these blogs (I'll bet you figured that one out though due to my absense anyways). I'll be back when things calm down.

A letter to the universe

Dear Mom n Dad
Thanks a million for me popping out with all 10 toes and fingers and all the proper things a person is supposed to have. I really, really love my hands. Really, they are awesome.
Love
the one who has two working hands again

Yeah, having 2 hands that work suddenly not work is scary and awe inspiring and humbling and frustrating. There is a psychological effect too, I felt....broken or something and it made me really shy and quiet feeling, and I didn't want to go anywhere (technically they were broken...picture blown up rubber gloves instead of hands and you get the idea). I'm not sure I can really explain it. I was a child with an adult's body and mind who knew that it shouldn't work like this. That I shouldn't have to be fed like a baby or someone put my shoes on my feet and buckle me into the car because I had lumps of useless puffy flesh instead of fingers. (I plan to accidentally die from something if I ever actually get into a position where I lose my hands for good) But they work again thanks to the meds the ER doc gave me. It was a bit funny but in my early morning, scared about my hands, just payed $100 copay haze the doc walked in and I immediately had a flash of the twilight movie where Carlisle walks into the room where Bella is getting her head checked out after the almost near death accident....Yeah, I am a total dork but it was all good until he grabbed my thumb to lift my wrist up to his level to check my pulse. That. Hurt. A lot. (at least the nurse was nice enough to come down to my hand's level to check my pulse. Apparently my pulse was rather high when we first got there and the nurse didn't belive me or my boy when we said I have a bit of an anxiety problem) Not that I would have yelped and swatted at the man, I just made an ow face and let him man handle my sausage fingers. What a great way to spend ones 1 year aniversary (and the day after) with your boy. OK but really, its time for bed now.

its warm!!!!

Because I am sitting here at my parents house so I can borrow the car tomorrow to get the demons vaccinated and have nothing do to currently (not true but I never get work done here) I am going to take a page from my friend's blog and do a describe myself post. I am putting a few constraints on it just because. They will be one word descriptions and they cannot be negative (ie bad at drawing). I'm going to shoot for 25 because it sounds like a good number. Here goes.
1 loyal
2 lover (of so many things)
3 a submissive (ok i realize thats 2 words but saying just submissive wasn't working)
4 hippy
5 vegetarian
6 pagan
7 masochist
8 Older sister (that counts as one word too)
9 adult
10 Child
11 student
12 teacher
13 shy (but getting better)
14 quiet (when I'm not around my friends)
15 book worm
16 friend
17 dreamer
18 scared (its not negative, and its a very big part of me right now)
19 loved
20 Cancer (I have said that in the negative before but today it just describes me)
21 gardener
22 beautiful (so they tell me anyways, today I feel good so I feel beautiful)
23 earth mother (even if I don't want offspring)
24 environmentalist
25 Co-oper

Hey that wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be. It got a little tough around the end there but, I really enjoyed that. I think I will do it again someday.

*taps on watch* where did my time go?

So yeah....I've been distracted lately. Was sick last week (and am still getting better). I actually started that experiment...but then I got sick and didn't feel like puting the arnica stuff on. Instead, I slept alot and stared glassy eyed at my computer screen watching movies. When I told my boy we will have to try the experiment again I got a look that said "yeah uh huh....riiiight. Just say bite me and don't use experiment as the excuse". The week before that, well....that was just a bad week and I had mostly lost interest in my own life for a bit. We are trying to not be apathetic, its hard sometimes. So far this week I am feeling pretty good, we shall see how things go. I probably won't post as much as before because I am so very super amazing busy. Oh yeah, and my boy told me I should make posts about my sexlife....(don't worry I won't) but it was a really funny conversation cause we were imagining actual posts and what I would discuss.