Probably but currently this is heaven.
This could just be the after effects of a good and entertaining (in a bad way) concert talking and the pride I tend to feel in supporting good local bands but its ok. I am going to start a new project of sorts. Well, actually its an ongoing project but I haven't talked about it yet. I've gotten into this habbit of saying prayers morning and night. Every morning I say the same prayer asking for help during the day with certain things (I borrowed two prayers and mashed them together it just worked so well together I couldn't help it). At night I thank the Gods for all the good things that happened during the day. Sometimes the list is fairly extensive and sometimes its just "thanks for my apt and my kitties sleeping next to me and all my friends who keep me sane and good co-op food Yay God (sorry had a summer camp moment there)". Sometimes when going through the morning prayer I rush through it and don't really think about what I am saying, sometimes I even find myself thinking about other things when I say it and then I don't remember saying half the prayer, then I am reminded of how I used to laugh at the people in church because when they said thier prayers (especially the Our Father) they never sounded like they meant them, it was just something to say because the priest says ok its time to say this. They sounded like the borg from startrek, all monotone and not remotely enthusiastic all saying it together because they are supposed to. My goal is to really focus on the words and mean them, and if I don't mean them to not say them at all. Its like this game we played in my acting class you were supposed to make your partner do something and if your partner wasn't feeling it they weren't supposed to do it, you had to make them want to do whatever it was.
I find it so hard sometimes (ok all the time, my mind almost never stops) to focus on one thing, to be in that moment only. Its a little funny, the idea of being entirely in this moment, nowhere else, not letting the mind wander to what you are making for dinner or plans for the next day, fully commiting every ounce of you to one thing, even focusing on one breath at a time seems like such a new and novel concept in paganism but it's really not a new idea at all. The budhists had it first and mainstream is just discovering it now (ok not mainstream but people write articles amazed at how amazing this idea is). Anyway so the goal is to sit there in front of my altar and say my prayer and be THERE and not be distracted by my own brain and MEAN what I say (not that I don't mean it now, I just don't like the idea of getting into such a habbit that I sound like the borg saying a prayer I wrote....errr compiled. I think there is a bit of buddhism squeezing its way into my eclectic witchery, not that its a bad thing they have lots of good ideas. (oh snap more stuff from India....really ought to get on that researching Hinduism. Oh the things I could do if I didn't always have class)
Kissed by an Early Rain
3 hours ago